So That's What I've Been Up To

I didn't mean to disappear. Honest, I didn't. But one day became one week. And life just kept happening until the weeks became several and two months had passed.

I hadn't meant to disappear, but I did just the same.

The thing I wanted to write about, needed to write about, I couldn't. Wouldn't. I had the words, but was reticent to share. Reserved for the first time in my life, not wanting to lay myself bare before the probing eyes of the masses.

This from someone who's usually throwing herself beneath the magnifying glass every chance she gets.

For a while, I tried to write about other things. The mundanities of life, the random flights of fancy that skittered through my mind. I tried for about a month. But lasses aren't built that way - not when thousands of conflicting emotions are roiling inside of their lil' Irish bodies.

So I wrote a series of posts about the thing that was really weighing on my mind. On my heart. I wrote a series of posts and I kept them offline. A closely guarded secret, hidden away. Even from most of my real life friends.

It was a roughly-cut stone, gritty and caked with dirt. Maybe it was a gem, or maybe just a piece of glass whose sparkle had caught my foolish eye. I couldn't really be sure. Not yet. But I didn't want the scrutiny, the commentary, the peanut gallery whispering in my ear as I tried to brush away the dust and figure it out.

I've been clutching my dirty, sharp little stone for over three months now. Holding it tightly in my fist, close to my heart. Convinced, at first, that it was just a shard of glass. Certain to cut me if I didn't put it down. If I wasn't more careful. But, lately, more of the dirt and grime has washed off. Some of the jagged edges have smoothed.

And now, I'm thinking, it might just be a diamond after all.

Or at least I'm really hoping so.